bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
