I just pynch a tree in the face
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
