Your mouth is God's brothel.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
