my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
