Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
True strength comes from lack of pants
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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