Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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