I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
