Will you blow on my dice?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
