I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You're like the curious george of whores
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
