I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
