Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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