Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
