you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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