We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
