I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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