i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
