there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
