I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
