I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
accomplished twins. life is a go
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
