I'm really into asian looking animals
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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