Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
this will be a night to untag.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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