hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
