just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
