Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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