well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
