Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
