You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize