Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
