so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
