dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
