he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
