I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
