I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
