I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
