You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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