Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
