I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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