my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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