There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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