1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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