OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
