He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
