i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
