I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
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