Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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