You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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