She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize