How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
