just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize