who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
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